So.
I'm single again.
My last girlfriend and I, we'd just celebrated out 1st anniversary when the "excrement hit the air conditioning unit", as Kurt Vonnegut once so eloquently put it. Not that there hadn't been signs.
Anyways, we "broke up" and it didn't end very well. I'll spare the details, but it wasn't good for my ego.
The trouble is, finding a girlfriend--no, the right girlfriend--is not the easiest thing in L.A. You go out, you meet girls, and you have to figure out quickly, first and foremost, how FAR they live. I don't know if you've tried this, but dating someone who lives in Burbank when you live in the West Side (That's West of the 405, really), is damn near impossible. Imagine driving an hour and a half to meet for a date. Sounds good? Me neither.
Then there is where you go to meet a girl. I went out the other night with friends to The Colony, a Hollywood bar that, last time I went, had Playboy Playmates partying there. Sounds fun, right? This time, it was Self-Conscious City: Every. Damn. Person. Looked good, looked polished and tan and sexy. The guys looked like they had money, and the girls huddled up and fished for the top prize. It was a meat market, and there was so much hormones and attitude, it felt forced and fake. People danced the way people dance now, by pumping their fist in the air and jumping up and down.
The dance floor for me is usually my comfort zone, my happy place where I can be myself and have fun. I feel confident and usually it shows. I've met lots of girls there, and of course, results are mixed (Inversely, I'm sure any girls could relate)---you just don't know who you will meet.
On this particular night, I connected with a beautiful latina that I had spotted when my friend dropped a drink at her feet. She thought it was me, I apologized and oh by the way would you like a drink? My French buddy's girlfriend came to the bar with as a sidekick, and was helpfully trying to get the conversation going ("Oh, you like going to Vegas?"--and to me: "Tell her you love Vegas, you want to go there next week!!". But I never liked Vegas, so I don't want to make a big show of pretending I do.).
THIRTY dollars later (2 very alcoholic drinks!), we are moving back to the dance floor where we join up with her group of BFFs. They are standing in a semi-circle, and instinctively I start dancing into their circle, flirtatious-but-in-a-I-don't-care-way. Only, one of her friend doesn't want me there, and is wagging her finger in my face. Her attitude says "I don't think so, white boy. This is a girl's night". I smile, shrug and step back, before my curvaceous Latina friend makes like "He's OK". But I am not welcome, here.
I ended up eying another very cute girl--like a pin-sized Salma Hayek--who was dancing better than the other girls (a BIG plus for me), and sided up with her, but she was being shy; once again my sidekick literally took my hand and put it on this girl's hips, and we were dancing close. We ended up chatting for ten minutes outside while she smoked a cig (BIG negative!), and then we danced some more, and kissed for a bit. However, I had realized we probably wouldn't take it much further (She lives in Glendale, hardly showed any personality, and looks latin but has little to do with the culture--doesn't speak Spanish, for one).
By the end of the evening, I reverted back to hanging with my friends, and even danced with some cool African guys, not giving a shit anymore about finding a girl. I decided that I would stop paying $20 for the privilege to wait 20 minutes outside, to go inside and get all kinds of attitude and have the privilege to pay $65+ in drinks, and not have a lot of fun along the way. What a bunch of pretentious bullshit.
My new theory is I'm going to find "the right girl" somewhere else, at a library, at a friend's party, or a holistic crystal reading even but NOT a shitty Hollywood club.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Beating the Birthday Blues, Or, How to It Make Past Your 28th Birthday
For the past six months, whenever someone asks how old I was, I’ve been saying 28. Then I correct myself and remember that my birthday is September 14th, and wonder how I made the slip.
Recently, my twin brother related to me a comment my dad made. He said that when I lived at my dad’s house last year I kept talking about “getting old,” and I seemed unhappy about my age and where I was at the time. Of course, at the time I was living with my father and in a job—selling macarons to cute San Francisco women—that was fun, but nowhere near fulfilling my expectations for my career.
I found myself at a standstill, and this little voice was calling out in my head: Look where other people are at around you, you are not even a college graduate. You chose to work. What’s going on with you, right now? I looked at my paycheck and wondered when I would be able to afford normal rent, and I was wondering when I would be able to achieve that American Dream. I was pressing.
I also knew that I was being silly; the downturn in the economy wasn’t my fault. Eventually, I ended 2009 on an optimistic tone, as I moved to Los Angeles to work with my stepdad Jean-Marie in his new venture, a sailboat dealership. I had been looking for some months to work in the sailing industry; I loved the boating lifestyle, so it was perfect. I also wanted to work with Jean-Marie as he is a very bright entrepreneur, so I was excited about that. Things where looking up.
It took a while to get going, as all businesses do, and in the first few months we worked in a gigantic hangar while our office where being built, managing to run the business pretty effectively. I was learning loads, and as I always do I was looking at how this new venture I’d join would be for me a stepping stone for my career. Was this finally the career path I was looking for?
* * *
It was a question I’d been asking myself since the end of high school. Some people go to doctor school, some to study journalism or psychiatry; I studied Business and Sociology, and saw myself as an entrepreneur. I joined small businesses because they offered the most chance at growing and learning different tricks, but now I was beginning to see that I would need to commit for more than two years to one business to eventually become successful. It was going to take a commitment to a career.
I was catching up recently with a visiting friend whom I see when he is in town, and told him about the great opportunity I had with my current company, that they saw me as running the business one day; He congratulated me, but then said to me: “You know, every few years I see you, and you on a career path and the people you work with see this great potential, and then next time I see you are at a another job, and it seems like a great opportunity again…”. I was a bit hurt at first, but I quickly realized he was right; either it hadn’t been the right business, or I hadn’t given it all, but I needed to be more mature and stick around to find out.
Today is my birthday. At 28 years of age, I finally feel that I’m ready to have that career path chosen, and perhaps it’s no coincidence that current company I’m working for is the one I feel the most comfortable in years; I see myself there long-term vs short-term, that this is a company with the right ingredients for continued success and growth for the company and myself along with it. It’s a 15 year-old business (so it has a history of success) with new, but very experienced owners but who’ll do what it takes (financially and managerially) to make it even more successful. As my boss Steve said the other day, quoting Notre Dame coach Lou Holtz at the end of his first season: “We ain’t where we wanna be, we ain’t where were gonna be, but, thank God, we ain’t where used to be!”
Even my friend Isaac, to whom I was explaining my recent dating experiences in LA , said to me as response: “Focus on your work.” He’s right, and in fact the less I worry about girls the better I usually come out on that front. But what he’s really saying is that now’s the time to really put my head down and kick some serious ass at work. The rest—money, career, will take care of itself.
* * *
My main question—Will I be successful in life?—itself brings up another question: how do I quantify success? Not how do others quantify success, but how do I quantify it? For me for a long time, a big part of that equation has been the thing most of us Americans yearn for: money, and loads of it. I have to flush that out of my system before it consumes me a bit too much. What happens if I never make “the money”? I’m going to feel sorry for myself and pity myself to death?
Recently, it occurred to me that my step-father never really talks about his past business experiences; You never really hear him talk about his past accomplishments. I’ve noticed this with older friends and aquaintenances as well. They are simple focused on the present task at hand.
The only ones who openly talk about what they have accomplished are my age, and I know I’m responsible for doing that too. My older and wiser friends have figured out that it’s not about what you’ve accomplished, but what you are doing now and in the future. (Either that, or they don’t like to talk about past because it reminds them that they are getting older! )
There are times to say ‘Well, it’s time to move on and do something else”, and there are times in which you have to say, no matter what, I’m going to put my head down and focus on work. Then I’ll come out ahead. These are such times, and for everyone. And there are people who get it; more and more Americans are starting businesses of their own, having been forced by the economic climate to forgo the safe job at the enterprise and field of your choosing and going the entrepreneurial route. Besides, it’s more fun!
In my case, I’m not going to start my own business, but I’m looking to take a very active role in the running of my business; recently promoted to Marketing Manager, I am keeping a broad perspective on the potential of this company, and with an eye towards running it entirely. I already feel that, with support, I could be doing that, and as long as I focus and basically kick-butt , this opportunity will present itself. It’s not about arrogance, but simply about having the will to make something happen; you put it out there to the Universe, you do your work, and the pieces should fall into place. Or at least something interesting will come out of it. My goal in life is to have as many experiences as possible, to make use of the short time (comparatively) that we have here. It’s a total cliché, but it’s what I truly believe.
What is your goal in life? What is your view of things happen? Are you an optimist or a pessimist? (Pessimists don’t admit to being pessimists—they just call themselves realists.)
Recently, my twin brother related to me a comment my dad made. He said that when I lived at my dad’s house last year I kept talking about “getting old,” and I seemed unhappy about my age and where I was at the time. Of course, at the time I was living with my father and in a job—selling macarons to cute San Francisco women—that was fun, but nowhere near fulfilling my expectations for my career.
I found myself at a standstill, and this little voice was calling out in my head: Look where other people are at around you, you are not even a college graduate. You chose to work. What’s going on with you, right now? I looked at my paycheck and wondered when I would be able to afford normal rent, and I was wondering when I would be able to achieve that American Dream. I was pressing.
I also knew that I was being silly; the downturn in the economy wasn’t my fault. Eventually, I ended 2009 on an optimistic tone, as I moved to Los Angeles to work with my stepdad Jean-Marie in his new venture, a sailboat dealership. I had been looking for some months to work in the sailing industry; I loved the boating lifestyle, so it was perfect. I also wanted to work with Jean-Marie as he is a very bright entrepreneur, so I was excited about that. Things where looking up.
It took a while to get going, as all businesses do, and in the first few months we worked in a gigantic hangar while our office where being built, managing to run the business pretty effectively. I was learning loads, and as I always do I was looking at how this new venture I’d join would be for me a stepping stone for my career. Was this finally the career path I was looking for?
* * *
It was a question I’d been asking myself since the end of high school. Some people go to doctor school, some to study journalism or psychiatry; I studied Business and Sociology, and saw myself as an entrepreneur. I joined small businesses because they offered the most chance at growing and learning different tricks, but now I was beginning to see that I would need to commit for more than two years to one business to eventually become successful. It was going to take a commitment to a career.
I was catching up recently with a visiting friend whom I see when he is in town, and told him about the great opportunity I had with my current company, that they saw me as running the business one day; He congratulated me, but then said to me: “You know, every few years I see you, and you on a career path and the people you work with see this great potential, and then next time I see you are at a another job, and it seems like a great opportunity again…”. I was a bit hurt at first, but I quickly realized he was right; either it hadn’t been the right business, or I hadn’t given it all, but I needed to be more mature and stick around to find out.
Today is my birthday. At 28 years of age, I finally feel that I’m ready to have that career path chosen, and perhaps it’s no coincidence that current company I’m working for is the one I feel the most comfortable in years; I see myself there long-term vs short-term, that this is a company with the right ingredients for continued success and growth for the company and myself along with it. It’s a 15 year-old business (so it has a history of success) with new, but very experienced owners but who’ll do what it takes (financially and managerially) to make it even more successful. As my boss Steve said the other day, quoting Notre Dame coach Lou Holtz at the end of his first season: “We ain’t where we wanna be, we ain’t where were gonna be, but, thank God, we ain’t where used to be!”
Even my friend Isaac, to whom I was explaining my recent dating experiences in LA , said to me as response: “Focus on your work.” He’s right, and in fact the less I worry about girls the better I usually come out on that front. But what he’s really saying is that now’s the time to really put my head down and kick some serious ass at work. The rest—money, career, will take care of itself.
* * *
My main question—Will I be successful in life?—itself brings up another question: how do I quantify success? Not how do others quantify success, but how do I quantify it? For me for a long time, a big part of that equation has been the thing most of us Americans yearn for: money, and loads of it. I have to flush that out of my system before it consumes me a bit too much. What happens if I never make “the money”? I’m going to feel sorry for myself and pity myself to death?
Recently, it occurred to me that my step-father never really talks about his past business experiences; You never really hear him talk about his past accomplishments. I’ve noticed this with older friends and aquaintenances as well. They are simple focused on the present task at hand.
The only ones who openly talk about what they have accomplished are my age, and I know I’m responsible for doing that too. My older and wiser friends have figured out that it’s not about what you’ve accomplished, but what you are doing now and in the future. (Either that, or they don’t like to talk about past because it reminds them that they are getting older! )
There are times to say ‘Well, it’s time to move on and do something else”, and there are times in which you have to say, no matter what, I’m going to put my head down and focus on work. Then I’ll come out ahead. These are such times, and for everyone. And there are people who get it; more and more Americans are starting businesses of their own, having been forced by the economic climate to forgo the safe job at the enterprise and field of your choosing and going the entrepreneurial route. Besides, it’s more fun!
In my case, I’m not going to start my own business, but I’m looking to take a very active role in the running of my business; recently promoted to Marketing Manager, I am keeping a broad perspective on the potential of this company, and with an eye towards running it entirely. I already feel that, with support, I could be doing that, and as long as I focus and basically kick-butt , this opportunity will present itself. It’s not about arrogance, but simply about having the will to make something happen; you put it out there to the Universe, you do your work, and the pieces should fall into place. Or at least something interesting will come out of it. My goal in life is to have as many experiences as possible, to make use of the short time (comparatively) that we have here. It’s a total cliché, but it’s what I truly believe.
What is your goal in life? What is your view of things happen? Are you an optimist or a pessimist? (Pessimists don’t admit to being pessimists—they just call themselves realists.)
Monday, September 13, 2010
Sailing Solo , Around the...Point?
Last night I took a 40-foot Beneteau just like the one pictured from Long Beach to Los Angeles; it was my first time single-handling a boat this size, only a few days after single-handling a sailboat for the first time in my life. I had to do it in cold and wet seas, and half-way through it was pitch dark. Naturally I felt a bit like that 16 years old kid who circumnavigated the world by himself last year, Zac Sutherland (Incidentally, I'd just spotted him at the boat show I was at that day). Anyways, I wanted to share the experience, because it was really something. The whole world is closing in around you, the elements are in your face and the ball is in your court.
We were heading almost straight into the wind, and so you had to motor, but by launching the main sail and taking tacks up, you could have some fun and make this an exercise in sail trimming (which I dearly need--I've been a bowman in racing, and for years left the trimming to other guys). I was also following my step-dad on the catamaran he had, but he was getting further and further until eventually I lost the light at the top of his mast in the darkness. I had to gain back on him. the bow kept plunging into the sea and spray would hit me in the face (Wow, is this really southern california?!), but I was playing music like Zero 7 and Kate Nash and I knew I wasn't far from the shore. At the same time, you're constantly reminded that being alone on a sailboat, you can make one silly stupid mistake and go overboard, take a boom to the head, and you'll be done.
There I was, thought, feeling adventurous. I was thinking about those lonely solo circumnavigators, how it would feel to take off by yourself, and I remember now a quote from a sailor who was among the first to try going around the world, solo, without stops: "You can't do it for the fame, you have to do it because it's your passion"(Find a movie called "Deep Water" about it---you'll see amazing footage of this race in 1968, and get a clear idea of how it felt.). There was even one French sailor, Bernard Moitessier, who went all the way from France, down to South Africa, all the way under Asia and through the worst storms in Cape Horn, up the Americas and finally, almost home, turns around and quits the race, telling his wife he "wasn't done yet". He went halfway around the world again to finish in Tahiti. Now, there is a man who enjoys is solitude; I for one, I don't think I could: I need to be around people, I need to socialize, and so I'd need my girlfriend or wife or friends with me. (Mental note: I need to find a girl who enjoys sailing.) But I would dearly love to go and take off, absolutely.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Gmail Tracks My (Love) Life
Just going through my Gmail account, which had (ahem) 850 unread messages --mind over a LONG TIME!!!--, and besides realizing that I don't really read many of my parent's emails, I started this account in 2005 and it's tracked FOUR relationships, in various stages--"Great meeting you" stage, "let's hang out" stage, "I like you" stage, all the way to the sometimes bitter end.
if I had the time, I'd read each email in succession, and I'm bound to start seeing patterns in my relationships. (I did this for my ex-Jessa, and I caught several "DUH" moments where I should've seen that she really wanted me to be there for something, and tried to subtly tell me, and i totally missed it).
..it's weird having a log of your life, and I found myself sentimental, not wanting to ditch certain emails from loved ones, "just in case" years from now i'd want to read them (it's morbid, but i even thought i'd read my parent's emails when they've passed).
if I had the time, I'd read each email in succession, and I'm bound to start seeing patterns in my relationships. (I did this for my ex-Jessa, and I caught several "DUH" moments where I should've seen that she really wanted me to be there for something, and tried to subtly tell me, and i totally missed it).
..it's weird having a log of your life, and I found myself sentimental, not wanting to ditch certain emails from loved ones, "just in case" years from now i'd want to read them (it's morbid, but i even thought i'd read my parent's emails when they've passed).
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
2009 RESOLUTIONS: Review
Ok, I can't avoid this, so i'll face up to my fears and tighten my cheeks and see the results:
Here's what I posted last year:
RESOLUTIONS FOR 2009
1) I will make $80,000 in 2009. I will have fun doing it.
I haven't done my taxes, but not close. But I had fun working at Paulette's Macarons and the Gelato shop in SF and starting a new business in December in LA! 1/2 point for the fun factor.
2) I will find a great girlfriend, or many.
WIN! My Amanda is ze best. We met in February and are still together, a personal record btw. 1 point and a half out of 1!!
3) I will be ripped like Daniel Craig in Quantum of Solace. I will do it with a 99% vegetarian diet.
Heh. heh heh.AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Ok, so I'm no ripped like, well, anyone, but i'm not an ounce fatter than one year ago, and a year of off/on running races, some rugby has made me fitter with better endurance. but the vegeterian diet?? What was I *thinking*?? 1/2 point.
4) I will buy a sailboat to take my girlfriend(s) on.
No, but, looke here, I work in the boating industry and can take people sailing. 1/2 point.
5) I will not share a bedroom with my brother again. I will have as many rooms as girlfriends.
WIN! Except in December I moved to LA where I am staying (as part payment for work done, mind you), at my parents and I have less than a room. (I told you I had to be honest). 1/2 points.
6) I will indulge in no less than trips to Brazil, Argentina, Greece and India. In case of civil wars, the country next to it will suffice.
Dream big, right? Well I worked all year long and didn't take one damn vacation. ahh, well. 0 Points.
7) I will take my One-A-Day vitamins, once a day.
I stopped taking my vitamins right around...August. 1/2 point for 1/2 the year?
8) I will score ten (10) “Tries” at rugby.
Not close, i hurt my head and neck at practice in February and didn't rejoin the team. However I am now a proud coach for a an Under-13 rugby team, and play touch rugby at the beach on Sundays. Much safer. No points, but not sorry either. I ran my first 1/2 marathon, for one thing. 1/2 point.
9) I will end the year being able to prove wrong the Obama nay-sayers.
??? Well I can safe that he has had a very very busy first year, that he has launched many an initiative, but I can't say that I feel more confident, or as confident, but maybe 1/2 as confident in our new President as I did then. However he's far and away far better than Bush. 1/2 point.
10) I will enjoy this year in peace and happiness, whether or not these resolutions come true.
I really did enjoy the year (Thank you San Francisco!!), even if it wasn't in total peace or happiness, but it was truly a better year than the last, just as each year has been since I started counting. 1 Point.
Ok, I'm giving myself a 6/10 on the resolutions. What can I make of this? I think that besides the rosy outlook I gave myself, i can do much, much better. My financial situation is pretty much the same as then, didn't get any better, not worse. I could be exercizing more often, I could DEFINITELY travel more, and my neck injuries are still being felt, so health wise I have improvements to go. I don't have my own apartment--that would be a major WIN for 2010. I have not finished my degree, a total utter fail and i should have put it on my resolutions.
So, I can
Here's what I posted last year:
RESOLUTIONS FOR 2009
1) I will make $80,000 in 2009. I will have fun doing it.
I haven't done my taxes, but not close. But I had fun working at Paulette's Macarons and the Gelato shop in SF and starting a new business in December in LA! 1/2 point for the fun factor.
2) I will find a great girlfriend, or many.
WIN! My Amanda is ze best. We met in February and are still together, a personal record btw. 1 point and a half out of 1!!
3) I will be ripped like Daniel Craig in Quantum of Solace. I will do it with a 99% vegetarian diet.
Heh. heh heh.AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Ok, so I'm no ripped like, well, anyone, but i'm not an ounce fatter than one year ago, and a year of off/on running races, some rugby has made me fitter with better endurance. but the vegeterian diet?? What was I *thinking*?? 1/2 point.
4) I will buy a sailboat to take my girlfriend(s) on.
No, but, looke here, I work in the boating industry and can take people sailing. 1/2 point.
5) I will not share a bedroom with my brother again. I will have as many rooms as girlfriends.
WIN! Except in December I moved to LA where I am staying (as part payment for work done, mind you), at my parents and I have less than a room. (I told you I had to be honest). 1/2 points.
6) I will indulge in no less than trips to Brazil, Argentina, Greece and India. In case of civil wars, the country next to it will suffice.
Dream big, right? Well I worked all year long and didn't take one damn vacation. ahh, well. 0 Points.
7) I will take my One-A-Day vitamins, once a day.
I stopped taking my vitamins right around...August. 1/2 point for 1/2 the year?
8) I will score ten (10) “Tries” at rugby.
Not close, i hurt my head and neck at practice in February and didn't rejoin the team. However I am now a proud coach for a an Under-13 rugby team, and play touch rugby at the beach on Sundays. Much safer. No points, but not sorry either. I ran my first 1/2 marathon, for one thing. 1/2 point.
9) I will end the year being able to prove wrong the Obama nay-sayers.
??? Well I can safe that he has had a very very busy first year, that he has launched many an initiative, but I can't say that I feel more confident, or as confident, but maybe 1/2 as confident in our new President as I did then. However he's far and away far better than Bush. 1/2 point.
10) I will enjoy this year in peace and happiness, whether or not these resolutions come true.
I really did enjoy the year (Thank you San Francisco!!), even if it wasn't in total peace or happiness, but it was truly a better year than the last, just as each year has been since I started counting. 1 Point.
Ok, I'm giving myself a 6/10 on the resolutions. What can I make of this? I think that besides the rosy outlook I gave myself, i can do much, much better. My financial situation is pretty much the same as then, didn't get any better, not worse. I could be exercizing more often, I could DEFINITELY travel more, and my neck injuries are still being felt, so health wise I have improvements to go. I don't have my own apartment--that would be a major WIN for 2010. I have not finished my degree, a total utter fail and i should have put it on my resolutions.
So, I can
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