How Old Would You Rather Be?

The other day my brother Taddeo, 16, asked me what was better, being 20 or being 30.

I responded 25. Seriously, sounds like a cop-out, but hear me out:

At 20, you are "free", technically, you can have fun, and are truly exploring the world with youth on your side. You sleep around a lot, you drink too much, you don't work that hard and responsibilities seems like they don't matter: you're twenty!

but the truth is, I was still uncomfortable.

By 25, you feel great, you have had some experiences, many girls, a few "careers" and the world is looking up. 30 feels like a long time--you've had sooo many experiences for the past 5 years, it will just stretch on and on....

26, 27, they feel the same, it's like an extension of 25. No big deal.

At 28, I wrote this:

Beating the Birthday Blues, Or, How to It Make Past Your 28th Birthday

Think I was freaking out a bit?

Suddenly, you're aware of your mortality (That line, I think anyone over 50 would smack me for it). You are two mere years from big three, and shit is about to get serious. I started think I would have it figured out in time, that "girl" was right around the corner, that "career" was about to be set (Actually, I'd just moved back to LA to go into the boat business), and you hear that friends you have by this age are the ones you keep for life. (OK! Yes!)

Then you blink and it's thirty. And it sucks, because you think NOW you need everything figured out quick, your friends are getting married and having babies, you now have 2 more ex girlfriends with children (and with the very NEXT boy--it could have been YOU!), and you are definitely mortal. Suddenly, your dad asking you when he's going to have grandchildren gets more serious, you think about how old you would be when your children are in their teens if you had them at 32, 34, 36...?

You get widely irrational, and the pressure adds. It feels like your friends are talking behind your back about it, but it's all you. It's silly, but you put this pressure on yourself, you MUST be on a good financial path, have that car, and the right girl.

So, yeah, 30 is annoying.

But you know what? I feel more in control of my life than ever, I know how to say "no" and i feel more and more confident and even thought I still have failures, I can compose myself and grow.

So, actually it's not bad! It's not bad at all!!

Taddeo, I change my mind, 3-0 is the best so far. :)

In the Race to Find That Girl...

It's so easy to get caught up in the search, the obsessing over little details and thinking too fast, too hard about who you like and for what and how long and and and...

I mean, really? Why do I make it hard? As my friend and I where talking about, you are far more likely to find a friend (romantic or not) that lives near to you, works on your floor on your building, and the further the person from your habitual circle, the smaller the chance of meeting them.

We couple up with people who are close to us, basically, and it matters less and less about race and background, more about our physical proximity. I have met my last girlfriend at school, another at my work, and seeing them every day led to the hooking up. (Of course there was chemistry, but that was built. We didn't just meet and fall for each other!).

What this means is, all the talk about "The One" is B.S. because what really matters is meeting your neighbors and your coworkers and classmates, and "chances are" you will meet someone you can be with. That's it!!!

-----

I met a girl the other day, fun and sweet and smart, but she lives in a different country. Over three evening we connected a bit--in two languages, and I was sorry to see her leave. Of course I only met her because my friend A. went to school with her.

And you know what, it makes me sad, because I haven't met too many girls in the local bars and clubs that are like this. This L.A. is not a great place to meet girls by randomly showing up at venues. it's just a crapshoot. It makes me want to say "Fuck it, I need to pursue this one", but it's about the most impractical pursuit one could think of. If it got anywhere.

What do I do?

"Fun" in Hollywood

So.

I'm single again.

My last girlfriend and I, we'd just celebrated out 1st anniversary when the "excrement hit the air conditioning unit", as Kurt Vonnegut once so eloquently put it. Not that there hadn't been signs.

Anyways, we "broke up" and it didn't end very well. I'll spare the details, but it wasn't good for my ego.

The trouble is, finding a girlfriend--no, the right girlfriend--is not the easiest thing in L.A. You go out, you meet girls, and you have to figure out quickly, first and foremost, how FAR they live. I don't know if you've tried this, but dating someone who lives in Burbank when you live in the West Side (That's West of the 405, really), is damn near impossible. Imagine driving an hour and a half to meet for a date. Sounds good? Me neither.

Then there is where you go to meet a girl. I went out the other night with friends to The Colony, a Hollywood bar that, last time I went, had Playboy Playmates partying there. Sounds fun, right? This time, it was Self-Conscious City: Every. Damn. Person. Looked good, looked polished and tan and sexy. The guys looked like they had money, and the girls huddled up and fished for the top prize. It was a meat market, and there was so much hormones and attitude, it felt forced and fake. People danced the way people dance now, by pumping their fist in the air and jumping up and down.

The dance floor for me is usually my comfort zone, my happy place where I can be myself and have fun. I feel confident and usually it shows. I've met lots of girls there, and of course, results are mixed (Inversely, I'm sure any girls could relate)---you just don't know who you will meet.

On this particular night, I connected with a beautiful latina that I had spotted when my friend dropped a drink at her feet. She thought it was me, I apologized and oh by the way would you like a drink?  My French buddy's girlfriend came to the bar with as a sidekick, and was helpfully trying to get the conversation going ("Oh, you like going to Vegas?"--and to me: "Tell her you love Vegas, you want to go there next week!!". But I never liked Vegas, so I don't want to make a big show of pretending I do.).

THIRTY dollars later (2 very alcoholic drinks!), we are moving back to the dance floor where we join up with her group of BFFs. They are standing in a semi-circle, and instinctively I start dancing into their circle, flirtatious-but-in-a-I-don't-care-way. Only, one of her friend doesn't want me there, and is wagging her finger in my face. Her attitude says "I don't think so, white boy. This is a girl's night". I smile, shrug and step back, before my curvaceous Latina friend makes like "He's OK". But I am not welcome, here.

I ended up eying another very cute girl--like a pin-sized Salma Hayek--who was dancing better than the other girls (a BIG plus for me), and sided up with her, but she was being shy; once again my sidekick literally took my hand and put it on this girl's hips, and we were dancing close. We ended up chatting for ten minutes outside while she smoked a cig (BIG negative!), and then we danced some more, and kissed for a bit. However, I had realized we probably wouldn't take it much further (She lives in Glendale, hardly showed any personality, and looks latin but has little to do with the culture--doesn't speak Spanish, for one).

By the end of the evening, I reverted back to hanging with my friends, and even danced with some cool African guys, not giving a shit anymore about finding a girl. I decided that I would stop paying $20 for the privilege to wait 20 minutes outside, to go inside and get all kinds of attitude and have the privilege to pay $65+ in drinks, and not have a lot of fun along the way. What a bunch of pretentious bullshit.

My new theory is I'm going to find "the right girl" somewhere else, at a library, at a friend's party, or a holistic crystal reading even but NOT a shitty Hollywood club.