How Old Would You Rather Be?

The other day my brother Taddeo, 16, asked me what was better, being 20 or being 30.

I responded 25. Seriously, sounds like a cop-out, but hear me out:

At 20, you are "free", technically, you can have fun, and are truly exploring the world with youth on your side. You sleep around a lot, you drink too much, you don't work that hard and responsibilities seems like they don't matter: you're twenty!

but the truth is, I was still uncomfortable.

By 25, you feel great, you have had some experiences, many girls, a few "careers" and the world is looking up. 30 feels like a long time--you've had sooo many experiences for the past 5 years, it will just stretch on and on....

26, 27, they feel the same, it's like an extension of 25. No big deal.

At 28, I wrote this:

Beating the Birthday Blues, Or, How to It Make Past Your 28th Birthday

Think I was freaking out a bit?

Suddenly, you're aware of your mortality (That line, I think anyone over 50 would smack me for it). You are two mere years from big three, and shit is about to get serious. I started think I would have it figured out in time, that "girl" was right around the corner, that "career" was about to be set (Actually, I'd just moved back to LA to go into the boat business), and you hear that friends you have by this age are the ones you keep for life. (OK! Yes!)

Then you blink and it's thirty. And it sucks, because you think NOW you need everything figured out quick, your friends are getting married and having babies, you now have 2 more ex girlfriends with children (and with the very NEXT boy--it could have been YOU!), and you are definitely mortal. Suddenly, your dad asking you when he's going to have grandchildren gets more serious, you think about how old you would be when your children are in their teens if you had them at 32, 34, 36...?

You get widely irrational, and the pressure adds. It feels like your friends are talking behind your back about it, but it's all you. It's silly, but you put this pressure on yourself, you MUST be on a good financial path, have that car, and the right girl.

So, yeah, 30 is annoying.

But you know what? I feel more in control of my life than ever, I know how to say "no" and i feel more and more confident and even thought I still have failures, I can compose myself and grow.

So, actually it's not bad! It's not bad at all!!

Taddeo, I change my mind, 3-0 is the best so far. :)

In the Race to Find That Girl...

It's so easy to get caught up in the search, the obsessing over little details and thinking too fast, too hard about who you like and for what and how long and and and...

I mean, really? Why do I make it hard? As my friend and I where talking about, you are far more likely to find a friend (romantic or not) that lives near to you, works on your floor on your building, and the further the person from your habitual circle, the smaller the chance of meeting them.

We couple up with people who are close to us, basically, and it matters less and less about race and background, more about our physical proximity. I have met my last girlfriend at school, another at my work, and seeing them every day led to the hooking up. (Of course there was chemistry, but that was built. We didn't just meet and fall for each other!).

What this means is, all the talk about "The One" is B.S. because what really matters is meeting your neighbors and your coworkers and classmates, and "chances are" you will meet someone you can be with. That's it!!!

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I met a girl the other day, fun and sweet and smart, but she lives in a different country. Over three evening we connected a bit--in two languages, and I was sorry to see her leave. Of course I only met her because my friend A. went to school with her.

And you know what, it makes me sad, because I haven't met too many girls in the local bars and clubs that are like this. This L.A. is not a great place to meet girls by randomly showing up at venues. it's just a crapshoot. It makes me want to say "Fuck it, I need to pursue this one", but it's about the most impractical pursuit one could think of. If it got anywhere.

What do I do?